New Rules for the U.K.

I'm not usually one for political statements, but there are three new rules that our "government", led by a half-blind fat man, should enforce. Starting today!

1. For UK citizens, free work-visas for any country in the Commonwealth, past and present.
2. No more auto-tune in music on the radio or that has to be paid for. If you want to cheat, then you give that trash away. (I'm looking at you, Gaga).
3. The B.N.P. can disband and be quiet. You're not going to get voted in to power. Go away.

Do they realize?

The makers of these signs must understand what they're saying. Perhaps that's their sneaky point. Although how does that sell more ice creams?




-- Posted while out, about and confused

The War

Talking about the wars is often a conversation with many opportunities to offend.

With my life, as many others seeming without context or direction, the armed services seems a viable, yet dangerous one. I have enjoyed many hours watching the romanticized 'life at sea' or fighting for one's country. Of course, this is far from the terrifying and horrendous realities that lie ahead for the men and women going to war.

Perhaps long periods of time, working on a tug boat would be a sufficiently romantic and story-worthy pursuit for me. According to the tales, I should sit by the dock waiting for a sea hardened boat owner to need me for a day's honest work and let the weeks float by.

Thoughts

It's the queues of fat loners that keep me from lining up at McDonalds. You know, the guys in ill-fitting unwashed jeans and about 5 days of facial growth, before they've realized it doesn't suit them.

I'm not racist, but why do Asians shuffle their feet? Is that why the streets in busy ChinaTowns are so slippery?

What would a worm look like without skin? Is it like sausagemeat or tiny organs?


-- Posted while out, about and confused

Australian quiz

A contestant on the Australian version of Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire.

Oh dear.

Dating Fail

I don't think this online dating site is the one for me...... or is it??












NOPE.

Australian Ice Cream

Really?



-- Posted while out, about and confused

Aussie Sign Post

Where are we? That'll do!



-- Posted while out, about and confused

Another Dating Fail!

Some people have just given up. If you're target audience can only be described as 'Human', then it's time to get a house full of cats.

Sydney mother's day

It's almost Mother's Day in Sydney and the man upstairs is reminding us to do something. What could he mean?



-- Posted while out, about and confused

Busy Day

Finally I've got a gig, taking photos for a dancers/ models agent and had my first shoot today.
It was nice to get back into the swing of things, although I had to battle the (cute) devil-dog (awww).






Here's the setup for one particular shot where the model would be draped over an old chair. The final photo came out really nicely (it'll be displayed on my website once it's edited.



Later, I was invited to take photos at the Industry Night, a big show put on by Brent St. Dance school and a host of talents from all over. I was given my own lonely table right at the front.
1200 shots later, I'm exhausted after a great group of performances and a ringing ear from the speakers I sat next to.

-- Posted while out, about and confused

Online Dating

 I've recently signed up for an online dating service (a free one of course! I'm not made of money). Although I'm concerned with some of the misleading usernames. I have kept mine to my nationality and first name. It's accurate and easy to understand. However, '2hot2handle' is a blatant liar. For shame!

Mind, Body and Bullsh*t

I decided to pop along to the Mind, Body and Spirit festival in Sydney today and was expecting the usual aging hippy-spinsters, pot-smokers and weirdos who drink their own piss. I was right.

In addition to these gene-pool tadpoles, there were some pretty interesting people including the guys in the Aura-Photography stall. Apparently I was calm but confused. Well done, genius.

I also spoke to a woman trying to sell a years subscription to a group, who at closer inspection turned out to be ILLUMINATI! I asked her how she felt about the new Angels & Demons film coming out and she looked nervous and offended, brushing it off as "All nonsense".

My favourite was the hugely obese woman at the Emotional Eaters booth. I think greed is more their problem. Oink.




-- Posted while out, about and confused

Swine Flu

Well it looks like this could be the outbreak. The all-out, 28 days later, apocalypse, end-of-the-World curse that will finish it all. 

As soon as the first zombie gets off a plane and starts eating brains, we're officially finished. (Unless you're in a nuclear bunker with tinned beans and Jacobs crackers. 

Lock yourself, with your mates in the Winchester and some 'hog lumps' before the Mexican zombies get you.  

Winter?

Wow! I didn't even know that Australia got cold. Snow in the South. Bit of a nip in Sydney.

I don't care. I've got a coat. Yay

10 Rules of the Modern Man

Here is the list of the top ten rules to be a modern man.

1. Pull out the chair for the person you're with. It IS important and they WILL appreciate it.

2. If you're on a date, pay for the whole bill. If they protest, tell them they can pay next time (this ensures another date!)

3. DON'T 'pop' your collar, you'll look like a douche.

4. Walk slower, if you're in a rush you look unorganised and angry.

5. Be 'Old fashioned' with your manners, not your attitude.

6. A kid's scooter or skateboard ISN'T cool for getting around if you're over 12.

7. Arrive at ALL appointments 5 minutes early and NEVER late. It's annoying to wait for anyone, don't make them do it.

8. Bring an umbrella.

9. Don't bitch or gossip. No good can come of it.

10. Unless it's made completely obvious to crystal clear to you, she probably doesn't want to sleep with you!


Live, Learn, Be Awesome

-- Posted while out, about and confused

Last Night

Last  night was a fun one, out in the lights of Kings Cross, Sydney. After meeting up with some old friends, we headed out to a variety of random bars, which were suprisingly quiet. 

Then after a pretty manky curry we headed over to a ropey stripclub. NOT awesome.

 

After that 'experience', we decided to disband and call it a night. However I misjudged the level of the rain and had to buy an umbrella from the 7-11 store. 

Only a few more minutes later I saw a couple of girls getting soaked on their way home from the city, so I decided to give them my brolly. By the time I got home, I was proper-soaked. 

It be raining!



-- Posted while out, about and confused

Queen!

Does Liz II know about this? (check the sign!)

-- Posted while out, about and confused

Chinese versions

Wow! I just found a shop in Chinatown (not really a town, it's a novelty street) that will put your face on an action figure. It just so happens that all the participants so far were Chinese. Awesome.



-- Posted while out, about and confused

Clouds

How come if there is only one cloud in the sky, it'll go between you and the sun?



-- Posted while out, about and confused

Music

Why is Hot Chip on my iPhone? It's rubbish. Right now I'm listening to the tasty slap-bass on Rage Against The Machine's 'Take the Power Back'. Fantastic strut music.



-- Posted while out, about and confused

Getting settled

As it looks like the freelance Photography plan is going to take a while to get off the ground, I've dropped my resume/C.V. off to a couple of places that I'd like to work. Mainly clothes shops that would bring in some money, plus give me a chance to actually meet some people!

I've also signed up to an online dating website, however I have since gone through the other members and wasn't too pleased. For an example; 'Lonley247' has a tagline "Shrek looking for a Princess", which although sweet, is true. His photo looks like a combination of a Troll and someone who belongs on a register. 

At least I'm smiling in my photo! No responses yet....maybe I should be a bit scary. 

Star Trek Premier

The World premier of the Star Trek movie was held in Sydney, on April 7th at the Sydney Opera House. Of course the stars where there, Eric Bana, J.J. Abrams, Zachery Quinto (Sylar from Heroes) and John Cho, also the guys who played McCoy and Kirk (Chris Pine) too, but nobody knew their names. Suprisingly, there were no 'Trekkies', which I was really hoping to take some photos of, for the archives. 

After standing on the red-carpet taking photos, in my underdressed shorts and shirt, I heard my name called out

 over the loud-speaker as a competition winner! The draw that I'd put my name into jus

t moments earlier had finished and I'd won 2 tickets in to see the film. Being by myself at the time, I had enough time to say "Does anyone want a" before "ooh yeah, me, I do!" was yelle

d at me from all directions. That made his day! Whomever he was.

The film was actually pretty good, and to have the opportunity to see it in the specially converted Opera House was an added bonus. 

Here are a few photos from the event. 

Moved to Australia

I've just moved to Sydney, Australia to search for something that I'm looking for. I don't know what that is, but once I find it, I hope it's good! 

There is, of course, an abbundance of tourists, and although I'm technically one of them, they annoy me no-end. Why is it that people think that big hats look good? I don't mean Top-Hats, they are obviously amazing, but big black hats, often worn by weirdos wearing long black coats in the middle of the Sydney heat. Perhaps they're off the Matrix and I'm the sucker for not eating the red pill.